The Legend of the Random Stuff that Makes No Sense
by Chicken Ken
Summary: Rated T for suggestive material. Evil identical twins of the opposite gender? Giant anvils? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? When the very fabric of reality in the Universe is ruled by a maniac, who knows what will happen


Author's Note: This is my first fic in a long time. I cancelled the other one because the AL was revealed, thus removing all the fun from a "Who is the AL?" Story. This story is made of completely random BS that I make up as I write, so be warned. Also, I own nothing.

Chapter 1: The Forest of Randomness

It was an average day in the world of Naruto. The bees were buzzing, the birds were chirping, and Naruto was walking through the woods.

"Huh? Who said that?" Naruto asked, startled.

It's me, the narrator. I'm telling the story.

"What happened to that Kishimoto guy?" Naruto asked.

Not important. Of course, I didn't lock him out of his own office so I could control his story, if that's what you're thinking. Where do you come up with these things?!

"OK… Well, what happens next?" Naruto asked.

OK, so Naruto was walking through the woods… and he was walking… walking… walking some more…

"Get on with it!" Naruto shouted.

Well, um… Sakura appeared… and she wanted something…

"Oh yeah!" Naruto said, excited and with his mind in the gutter.

She wanted… um… to know how many licks it took to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.

"That's all? Come on! I went all the way out here to find out about some dumb candy?!" Sakura said.

"She's right, that is pretty anticlimactic," Naruto said.

So, um… Naruto told her that it was over nine thousand, and they both continued walking through the forest… until, um…

"Not again…" Naruto said.

Hinata appeared. And, um… she was dressed in minimal clothing.

"Naruto-kun…" Hinata blushed.

"Mr. Narrator Guy, that seems very Out of Character," Naruto said.

Shut up! It's my story! I decide what's Out of Character! So, anyway, Sasuke also appeared.

"What am I doing here?" Sasuke asked.

"Sasuke-kun! Run! Some lunatic narrator is controlling the Universe!" Sakura shouted.

Sasuke did run… straight towards Sakura. And Naruto ran towards Hinata. Both girls were knocked onto the ground… and now I'll jump somewhere else to keep the rating at T

Meanwhile, in… um… Suna. Gaara was watching Barney, his favorite show.

"I hate this show," Gaara said.

No, it's you're favorite.

"No, I hate it… who are you, anyway?" Gaara asked.

I'm the narrator. I'm focusing on you until about… right… now. Oh, and it's you're favorite.

Back in the random forest, our four heroes were back to standing up with their clothes on. But… little did they know that Hinata had gotten an STD!

"How could she have gotten one of those? I don't have on!" Naruto pointed out.

But, um… the Kyuubi does. He has… uh…. uh… Bijuu Herpes! And now Hinata does, too. Also, Sasuke's pregnant.

"But I'm a guy…" Sasuke said.

Suddenly, Sasuke was a girl.

"Wow, Sasuke! You have boobs!" Naruto said.

"What's going on down there, Naruto?" Sasuke asked.

"Um… nothing…" Naruto said.

"That is wrong on so many levels," Sasuke said.

"Wait a minute! If Sasuke's a girl, and I'm also a girl, that still doesn't explain how he- I mean she, got pregnant. And don't use the sex change thing again," Sakura said.

Sakura was suddenly revealed to be a hermaphrodite.

"No I'm not!" Sakura said.

Yes you are.

"No I'm not!"

Yes you are… infinity!

"Just get on with the story!" Sasuke shouted, annoyed.

Suddenly, Hinata… yeah, she hasn't done anything in awhile… So, Hinata was revealed to be… um… her evil identical twin brother! HEnata!

"That's a really lame pun…" Naruto said.

"How could a girl have an identical twin _brother_?" Sasuke asked.

Um… that's why he turned evil. Anyway, so HEnata captured Naruto.

"What's my motivation?" Henata asked, "And stop capitalizing both of the first two letters of my name. I think they get the point."

You're evil.

"That's not much of a motivation," Henata said.

Fine! You're, um… overprotective of you're identical twin sister and don't want Naruto to date her, so you plan to… um… do something.

"What do I plan to do?" Henata asked.

I'll get to that later. Anyway, Henata captured Naruto and ran off into the woods. Sasuke and Sakura decided it was their duty to rescue their friend from certain doom, or something.

"Actually, I really don't care. Just turn me back into a guy again," Sasuke said.

No. So, they decided to chase Henata into the woods. They were running… running… running…

"Does anyone else get the feeling that this story isn't going to get anywhere anytime soon?" Sakura asked.

Stop rushing me! So… Itachi jumped out of a tree, flailed his arms around, and spewed random gibberish like a deranged chimpanzee.

"That seems very out of character…" Itachi said, "Wait a minute! Since when was Sasuke a…"

Who cares. So, Sasuke gave Itachi a big hug and told him how her bestest pal Naruto was captured.

"OK. That was the last straw. Where are you, narrator?!" Sasuke yelled.

Do you want to fight me?

"I'm going to kill you for this torture!" Sasuke yelled.

OK, then. Suddenly Sasuke was hit by a giant anvil from the sky. How do you like that.

"A giant anvil? You couldn't have thought of something more original?" Itachi said.

Keep quiet or you're next.

"So, what happens now?" Sakura asked.

Thank you for being interested, Sakura. For that, you're not a hermaphrodite anymore.

"Yes!" Sakura said.

"This is so unfair…" Sasuke said.

Life is unfair. Deal with it. OK, so Itachi decided to help his favorite younger sister on her quest to save Naruto.

"I don't think I would do that. You really need to stop all of this out of character BS," Itachi said

It's my story! I do what I want! Back to the story, The three of them resumed their quest to find Naruto. And, um… stupid writer's block. I guess it's to be continued.

"I hope I become a guy again in the next chapter…" Sasuke said.

You won't.

"I hate this story…" Sasuke said.


End file.
